I have been known to pull out of my backside at just the right time the most trivial pieces of useless information. I have been asked many times "How do you know these things". My typical response is that my brain processes information as it receives it. When it receives information that may someday save my life or possibly allow me to invent something amazing....my brain simple throws that out. Kinda of like the old MASH'S ham commercial in the Baltimore/DC area back in the 70's that ended with "What do we do with that extra S....we simple throw that away." However, should the information be of the most trivial useless variety my brain hangs onto it so incase I am ever in a life saving game of Trivia Pursuit I may just have the winning answer.
Truthfully I have been puzzled by this phenomenon for years.....possibly decades....that is until today. Today was the Ureka moment. As I bent over to pull clothes out of the dryer that my husband had been so kind to load, I realized exactly how it is that I have come to hold on to and actually treasure the useless information I have obtained over time.
I reached into the dry and pulled out a black printed jumper of my daughter's. I cringed knowing full well that John was not aware that the jumper should not have gone in the dryer for shrinkage reasons. Why would he have known and more importantly why would he have cared. Let's face it folks..... thats a certified genuine piece of useless information. True it could cost him his life should my daughter put that jumper on and realize it is now sized to fit Barbie and I am talking about the 10 inch doll....but really, is it going to change the world? Is it going to save lives (other then his)? Is it going to create world peace? NO! Which brings me back to the point of retention of useless information.
I ran through my head all of the stupid things I must remember. There are a bunch of clothes alone that can't be put in the dry....not just my daughter but mine and my husband's for that matter. Then there are the endless appointments for dentist, doctors, hairdressers....remember not just for me but the entire family. Just today I scheduled out six month appointments for the kids to have their teeth cleaned. Lets face it ladies when you go the OBGYN once a year for a PAP and at the end of the appointment you schedule the following years appointment you already are retaining additional useless information. No wonder my brain does not have the capacity to hold information on Nuclear Cold Fusion. I am sure at some point I could have developed this ability and saved the World from its energy issues, but it just didn't fit in my brain because my brain capacity was already taken up with next years PAP smear appointment. Sorry World I could have been and done so much more.....however I will be sure to collect a morning urine sample on October 10 2010 for my yearly PAP appointment.
So its easy to see why my brain has been trained to simply hold on to that useless information. Dr. Silverberg will be happy I brought the urine sample in. My daughter will be happy that her clothes still fit. My husband will be happy that I didn't forget his Dad and Step-mom's 30th Wedding anniversary.....January 6th, 2011. I will remember that Troll beads fit on Pandora bracelets but Pandora beads don't fit on Troll bracelets.....and last but certainly no least....I will remember the lyrics to the Oscar Mayer Wiener song....you never know it might just make me a star.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Summer Dresses
I don't know what it is about summer dresses that make me feel so girlie...but they have a spell that I can't help but fall under when I wear a summer dress. It made me think about all the summer dresses/skirts that I have worn in the past. Some are so vivid as if it was yesterday.
There is a picture of me in a green dress with giant white polka dots and a big whomping white pilgrims colar. In the picture I have braids and I am smiling at the camera as my brother's little league baseball game is going on in the background. I have to be honest and tell you that I don't remember that dress or the day for that matters but I do remember the feeling cause I can see it in my face on the picture.
The first summer dress I really remember was white with a dotted swiss pattern to it. When I close my eyes and thing of that dress I can still feel the little raised dots that covered the dress. The top was fitted with a bow that tied in the back. I will not forget wearing it on a field trip to DC. I must have been about 11 years old at the time. I remember feeling so pretty. Not the most practical thing to wear on a school field trip but definitely worth the feeling I had all day wearing it.
There was another simple white summer dress I remember from college. It had a dropped waist (hey it was 1988 that was the style). I remember wearing flat espdrills with it. I can also remember getting caught in a down pour running in my barefeet across Choptank (Dorm name) parking lot to get to my dorm. It was late spring 1988. My feet were soaked and the dress was most the way there too. My short hair plastered to my head. I still remember in that instance feeling as girlie as girlie could be.
There is of course the most famous of all summer dresses.....it was the dress that my husband first saw me in. Although he met me at the beginning of October 1991. I had actually bought the dress in the summer. It was a red dress with white polka dots. It was princess seamed which is best for a girl that has a small waist and a big ol' booty. I remember wearing it with white stockings and black heels....come on ya'll you know that's a Minnie mouse outfit if you ever saw one. Almost 19 years later and the man still talks about that red polka dotted dress. As minnie mouse as it was, I still felt beautiful every time I put that dress on.
Here I sit today writing this blog about summer dresses. I have on a chambray summer dress from Wal-Mart...can't beat the Wal-mart. I feel pretty...I feel girlie and I am reminded of all those other pretty summer dresses and the way they made me feel on those hot summer days.
There is a picture of me in a green dress with giant white polka dots and a big whomping white pilgrims colar. In the picture I have braids and I am smiling at the camera as my brother's little league baseball game is going on in the background. I have to be honest and tell you that I don't remember that dress or the day for that matters but I do remember the feeling cause I can see it in my face on the picture.
The first summer dress I really remember was white with a dotted swiss pattern to it. When I close my eyes and thing of that dress I can still feel the little raised dots that covered the dress. The top was fitted with a bow that tied in the back. I will not forget wearing it on a field trip to DC. I must have been about 11 years old at the time. I remember feeling so pretty. Not the most practical thing to wear on a school field trip but definitely worth the feeling I had all day wearing it.
There was another simple white summer dress I remember from college. It had a dropped waist (hey it was 1988 that was the style). I remember wearing flat espdrills with it. I can also remember getting caught in a down pour running in my barefeet across Choptank (Dorm name) parking lot to get to my dorm. It was late spring 1988. My feet were soaked and the dress was most the way there too. My short hair plastered to my head. I still remember in that instance feeling as girlie as girlie could be.
There is of course the most famous of all summer dresses.....it was the dress that my husband first saw me in. Although he met me at the beginning of October 1991. I had actually bought the dress in the summer. It was a red dress with white polka dots. It was princess seamed which is best for a girl that has a small waist and a big ol' booty. I remember wearing it with white stockings and black heels....come on ya'll you know that's a Minnie mouse outfit if you ever saw one. Almost 19 years later and the man still talks about that red polka dotted dress. As minnie mouse as it was, I still felt beautiful every time I put that dress on.
Here I sit today writing this blog about summer dresses. I have on a chambray summer dress from Wal-Mart...can't beat the Wal-mart. I feel pretty...I feel girlie and I am reminded of all those other pretty summer dresses and the way they made me feel on those hot summer days.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Me & Elaine's spaceship
I was thinking the other day about a friend of mine from way back in Elementary school....in fact it was 3rd grade. I was one of the shortest kids in the school, sporting a Carol Brady shag haircut and a pair of glasses....the true picture of ultra cool.....not really. We had moved over the summer and I was starting a new school....Frederick Douglas Elementary School, in St. Michaels Maryland. The school was so small that we had our gym classes in our classroom on days that it rained. We didn't have a gym. We also didn't have a cafeteria so lunch was always eaten in the classroom. They trucked the hot lunches in from the middle school further in town. I remember vividly playing 7-up at our desk and how at the end of the day we had to put our heads down on our desk to be quiet before getting called to the cloakroom to get our stuff to go home.
It was in Frederick Douglas Elementary school that I met Elaine. Elaine was one of the tallest in my class. She looked clearly two years older then the rest of us and was a sweet, soft spoken and as nice as any child could possibly be. It was so easy being her friend, and I was so happy that she let me be.
On days that it rained and we could not go outside for recess I can remember Elaine and I planning our spaceship. She was quite the talented artist...thankfully otherwise the spaceship would have looked like a lopsided teacup. The interesting thing about the spaceship was that we really weren't that concerned about whether it could fly or not but what it looked like on the inside and what we could do inside of it.
The basic ideas for the spaceship came from Gazoo's spaceship from the Flintstones. It had a simple ramp that went from the ground up into the center of the ship on it's under belly. Once inside it had a lot of the same amazing features that the Jetzon's were lucky enough to have living in the future. Our design was created in the fall of 1976....well before the home computer, before microwaves were cheap, before VHS or DVS, CD, or DVRs....before cable tv and satellite tv.....what we designs we weren't able to get from the Flinstones or the Jetzon's we got from our own imaginations.
When I look back now on what we put inside the spaceship for us to do, really isn't much different then real life now. We had computers of course, but at that time there was no internet so I am not really sure what we were going to do with them anyway. We also had a ping pong table, a pinball machine and air hockey. We could roller skate inside on a track that went around and around the outer wall of the inside of the ship. We had lots of TVs that we could watch whatever we wanted to watch even if it was cartoons non-stop....remember we didn't have cartoon network, Disney or nick back then....cartoons only came on Saturday mornings.....much to my parents dismay. The thing I remember the most was having amazing comfy chairs that reclined and were like hover crafts.....plus I could have all the pop-tarts I wanted. My mother had this really strange view on Pop-tarts....I think she thought they really were an evil plot to ruin the family breakfast. She refused....and I mean refused to allow Pop-tarts in the house. Now mind you it was perfectly acceptable to have chocolate cake with chocolate icing and full strength coke for breakfast but there was no way we were allowed to have one of those sugar coated pastries.......there was nothing I wanted more then to sink my teeth into a cherry Pop-tart.
When I look back now we really weren't looking for much in our spaceship. Junk food, cartoon TV and the ability to roller skate in the house....I mean the spaceship. Lets not forget it was kids only. Sometimes when I am feeling stressed I think about that little spaceship in the fall of 1976. I can see Elaine wielding her pencil sketching as fast as I could describe it and can hear Gazoo whispering in my ear reminding me that we need to make sure the antennas were large enough....just in case we got the chance to talk to some really martians.
It was in Frederick Douglas Elementary school that I met Elaine. Elaine was one of the tallest in my class. She looked clearly two years older then the rest of us and was a sweet, soft spoken and as nice as any child could possibly be. It was so easy being her friend, and I was so happy that she let me be.
On days that it rained and we could not go outside for recess I can remember Elaine and I planning our spaceship. She was quite the talented artist...thankfully otherwise the spaceship would have looked like a lopsided teacup. The interesting thing about the spaceship was that we really weren't that concerned about whether it could fly or not but what it looked like on the inside and what we could do inside of it.
The basic ideas for the spaceship came from Gazoo's spaceship from the Flintstones. It had a simple ramp that went from the ground up into the center of the ship on it's under belly. Once inside it had a lot of the same amazing features that the Jetzon's were lucky enough to have living in the future. Our design was created in the fall of 1976....well before the home computer, before microwaves were cheap, before VHS or DVS, CD, or DVRs....before cable tv and satellite tv.....what we designs we weren't able to get from the Flinstones or the Jetzon's we got from our own imaginations.
When I look back now on what we put inside the spaceship for us to do, really isn't much different then real life now. We had computers of course, but at that time there was no internet so I am not really sure what we were going to do with them anyway. We also had a ping pong table, a pinball machine and air hockey. We could roller skate inside on a track that went around and around the outer wall of the inside of the ship. We had lots of TVs that we could watch whatever we wanted to watch even if it was cartoons non-stop....remember we didn't have cartoon network, Disney or nick back then....cartoons only came on Saturday mornings.....much to my parents dismay. The thing I remember the most was having amazing comfy chairs that reclined and were like hover crafts.....plus I could have all the pop-tarts I wanted. My mother had this really strange view on Pop-tarts....I think she thought they really were an evil plot to ruin the family breakfast. She refused....and I mean refused to allow Pop-tarts in the house. Now mind you it was perfectly acceptable to have chocolate cake with chocolate icing and full strength coke for breakfast but there was no way we were allowed to have one of those sugar coated pastries.......there was nothing I wanted more then to sink my teeth into a cherry Pop-tart.
When I look back now we really weren't looking for much in our spaceship. Junk food, cartoon TV and the ability to roller skate in the house....I mean the spaceship. Lets not forget it was kids only. Sometimes when I am feeling stressed I think about that little spaceship in the fall of 1976. I can see Elaine wielding her pencil sketching as fast as I could describe it and can hear Gazoo whispering in my ear reminding me that we need to make sure the antennas were large enough....just in case we got the chance to talk to some really martians.
Monday, May 17, 2010
"No Place for hate"....what a joke
I am so angry with kids that just don't get it. "No place for hate" does not exist in Boyertown School district. It is by far one of the worst places I have experienced for bullying of kids. The comments made to my child over the last 2 and 1/2 years have boiled over today and I am done....done with trying to have kids work it out amongst themselves. Enough is enough.
Two kids in my child's class said such hateful things today that the pain I feel is visceral. I feel as though someone has literally stabbed me in the heart and laughed while doing it. It's amazing how quickly something like this can take you smack back to when I was a child and was taunted and teased. Such anger that comes from deep down inside.
I can remember being teased horrible as a new student in middle school in 8th grade. I didn't think I would live through it. I didn't think that there was a single person that was remotely kind or accepting of someone new. I am 41 years old and when this happened to my child today I quickly was transported back in time to being 13 years old.....chubby, short, braces with short hair that didn't look like all the other girls in my class.....and was about to endure a few years of being picked on because of these things.
It is amazing how such a painful experience can shape a person forever. Since I know this first hand and what it can do and did do to me....I just want to die inside. I want tell my child, its my fault you are being picked on....I must have passed it down through a gene. Then another part of me wants to take those kids that are doing this and flash them forward in time to show them what losers they will end up to be....cause I have seen that end product too, and know its highly likely....especially if there only means of making themselves feel good is to put others down or treat them awful.....they will surely not amount to much more then bullies in adulthood....they are the losers.
So many peoples lives have been changed by bullies like these....some have overcome the taunts and teasing and gone on to be amazing people....others have had their self-esteem destroyed and are unable to bounce back and there are some that have taken their own lives feeling so worthless because of kids like these kids.....when is it enough....when?
Two kids in my child's class said such hateful things today that the pain I feel is visceral. I feel as though someone has literally stabbed me in the heart and laughed while doing it. It's amazing how quickly something like this can take you smack back to when I was a child and was taunted and teased. Such anger that comes from deep down inside.
I can remember being teased horrible as a new student in middle school in 8th grade. I didn't think I would live through it. I didn't think that there was a single person that was remotely kind or accepting of someone new. I am 41 years old and when this happened to my child today I quickly was transported back in time to being 13 years old.....chubby, short, braces with short hair that didn't look like all the other girls in my class.....and was about to endure a few years of being picked on because of these things.
It is amazing how such a painful experience can shape a person forever. Since I know this first hand and what it can do and did do to me....I just want to die inside. I want tell my child, its my fault you are being picked on....I must have passed it down through a gene. Then another part of me wants to take those kids that are doing this and flash them forward in time to show them what losers they will end up to be....cause I have seen that end product too, and know its highly likely....especially if there only means of making themselves feel good is to put others down or treat them awful.....they will surely not amount to much more then bullies in adulthood....they are the losers.
So many peoples lives have been changed by bullies like these....some have overcome the taunts and teasing and gone on to be amazing people....others have had their self-esteem destroyed and are unable to bounce back and there are some that have taken their own lives feeling so worthless because of kids like these kids.....when is it enough....when?
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Robins Egg Blue
When I was a kid I can remember going to art class and working on a piece of pottery that I could not wait to paint Robins Egg Blue. It was by far one of the uglies pieces of pottery you have ever seen but I just knew that the Robins Egg Blue glaze I was putting on it was going to make it the most beautiful piece.....I just knew that color would make all the difference. I glazed that puppy up and had the teacher throw it in the kiln. I could not wait to get to the next art class to see my master piece.....which turned out to be a really ugly piece of pottery the shade of Robins Egg Blue.....so much for the color making the piece.
Flashforward 30 years.....now at the age of 41 I must be thinking the same thing about Robins Egg Blue. Only this time the Robins Egg Blue color is not on pottery but actually my undergarments. I knew the underwear and matching bra must have caught my eye....and I also know that I must have been thinking that color was going to turn this out of shape 40 something body into a master piece. Damn color. Needless to say a trip to the mall with ones 14 year old daughter proved that Robins Egg Blue does nothing for a flabby old body.
Ah...the horror! I was standing in the dressing room taking off my capris and my shirt. Getting ready to try on a dress that again...I thought would hide all of my imperfections....Then it hit me. I was standing there in my Robins Egg Blue Bra and Robins Egg Blue granny panties and it was not a scene that should be witnessed by those with weak stomachs. I have to give it to my daughter....she really held it together and her 14 year old tongue which could no doubt have harpooned the sight in the mirror. Note to self, if Robins Egg Blue did not improve the ugliest piece of pottery in 6th grade it certainly isn't going to improve the 40 something body of a Champion Eater.
Flashforward 30 years.....now at the age of 41 I must be thinking the same thing about Robins Egg Blue. Only this time the Robins Egg Blue color is not on pottery but actually my undergarments. I knew the underwear and matching bra must have caught my eye....and I also know that I must have been thinking that color was going to turn this out of shape 40 something body into a master piece. Damn color. Needless to say a trip to the mall with ones 14 year old daughter proved that Robins Egg Blue does nothing for a flabby old body.
Ah...the horror! I was standing in the dressing room taking off my capris and my shirt. Getting ready to try on a dress that again...I thought would hide all of my imperfections....Then it hit me. I was standing there in my Robins Egg Blue Bra and Robins Egg Blue granny panties and it was not a scene that should be witnessed by those with weak stomachs. I have to give it to my daughter....she really held it together and her 14 year old tongue which could no doubt have harpooned the sight in the mirror. Note to self, if Robins Egg Blue did not improve the ugliest piece of pottery in 6th grade it certainly isn't going to improve the 40 something body of a Champion Eater.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Starbucks
This week I am a way for for work. I am in the beautiful Northwest of the country....Washington State. To be exact I am in Spokane which is extremely Eastern Washington state. The weather has been less then desirable but the people are so nice in the Northwest that it really makes up for the lack of sunshine.
This morning when I got up to make coffee in my hotel room I ripped the filter that the coffee was in and needless to say was unable to make coffee. No coffee makes Jen a very sluggish girl. On my way to the office I decided to stop for coffee and headed to McDonald's. When I pulled into the parking lot there gleaming in green was a Starbucks and I knew that I was going there instead of Mickey D's.
I first thought of going through the drive through since the weather is cold and wet but the line was so long that I decided it was worth it to go inside to order. There was no line inside and I was ready to go.
Ordering at Starbucks can be as intimidating as ordering at Geno's steaks in south Philly. You don't want to sound like an idiot but yet you want to make sure that you are getting the coffee you want....plus deep down you want to appear cool. I had practiced my line in the hotel when I was in Seattle and it had worked there so I was feeling much more confident about ordering this time. I walked up to the barista and placed my order with authority. "I'll have a tall skinny mocha latte". She wrote on the cup and within minutes I had my skinny mocha...in all it's yummy deliciousness. Walking back to the car I felt a sense of accomplishment as well as the warmth of the cup in my hand and the taste of the perfectly blended coffee and chocolate.....I think I have finally graduated to being an order pro at Starbucks.
This morning when I got up to make coffee in my hotel room I ripped the filter that the coffee was in and needless to say was unable to make coffee. No coffee makes Jen a very sluggish girl. On my way to the office I decided to stop for coffee and headed to McDonald's. When I pulled into the parking lot there gleaming in green was a Starbucks and I knew that I was going there instead of Mickey D's.
I first thought of going through the drive through since the weather is cold and wet but the line was so long that I decided it was worth it to go inside to order. There was no line inside and I was ready to go.
Ordering at Starbucks can be as intimidating as ordering at Geno's steaks in south Philly. You don't want to sound like an idiot but yet you want to make sure that you are getting the coffee you want....plus deep down you want to appear cool. I had practiced my line in the hotel when I was in Seattle and it had worked there so I was feeling much more confident about ordering this time. I walked up to the barista and placed my order with authority. "I'll have a tall skinny mocha latte". She wrote on the cup and within minutes I had my skinny mocha...in all it's yummy deliciousness. Walking back to the car I felt a sense of accomplishment as well as the warmth of the cup in my hand and the taste of the perfectly blended coffee and chocolate.....I think I have finally graduated to being an order pro at Starbucks.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Claiming States
My husband and I have had this ongoing competition as to which has been to the most states. I have always felt that landing in an airport within a state is not the same as actually going to the state. My husband of course believes that it does count.
Which brings me to this topic is I am currently on a trip to Eastern Washington state for work. Both of us have been to Washington State so its not as though I am now one ahead. I did drive over to Idaho last night but that state has also been "claimed" by my husband. So I am on a mission to "claim" Montana. According to my local co-workers it should only take me an hour maybe hour and ten to get to the state line from the office. Tomorrow is stake a "Claim" day and I will be heading out for Montana after work.
The whole "Claiming States" thing got me to thinking about what exactly makes a marriage happy or exciting. I realize for most that "claiming" a state is not very exciting but for me and the hub...it is and its just one of the many little things that make us excited about our marriage, our friendship our life together. Its a little game between just the two of us that brings out the competitive side yet makes us laugh at the same time. It is through these little things I realize how blessed I am to have the man I married and the life we have together.
Which brings me to this topic is I am currently on a trip to Eastern Washington state for work. Both of us have been to Washington State so its not as though I am now one ahead. I did drive over to Idaho last night but that state has also been "claimed" by my husband. So I am on a mission to "claim" Montana. According to my local co-workers it should only take me an hour maybe hour and ten to get to the state line from the office. Tomorrow is stake a "Claim" day and I will be heading out for Montana after work.
The whole "Claiming States" thing got me to thinking about what exactly makes a marriage happy or exciting. I realize for most that "claiming" a state is not very exciting but for me and the hub...it is and its just one of the many little things that make us excited about our marriage, our friendship our life together. Its a little game between just the two of us that brings out the competitive side yet makes us laugh at the same time. It is through these little things I realize how blessed I am to have the man I married and the life we have together.
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